Bad timing

posted in: Life | 6

Tonight I had an email from someone who used to be a friend. Used to because they turned nasty and I then didn’t want to have anything to do with them. The email started off quite well, there was an apology offered as their behaviour was apparently due to some misunderstanding. Even though all of this had happened quite some time ago, they wanted to apologise now that they’d realised I hadn’t done this big evil thing they thought I’d done to cause them to act this way. Apology accepted, lets move on.

Except that apparently it wasn’t this person I had offended, it was their friend. And what was explained to me was that in conversations I’d had with this friend, they’d come to the conclusion that I had ill-gotten confidential information on their terminally ill friend. Information I shouldn’t have and obviously couldn’t keep secret. Of course, these conversations were me trying to help this person deal with the fact that their friend was dying, and being there to listen as I had had friends to listen to me when it was my turn. And the confidential information I wasn’t supposed to have was either given to me directly by themselves or was information I knew because this terminal illness was exactly what Granny had. Exactly.

Now normally, I can just shrug off this sort of thing. The fact that it involved Granny made this a bit harder. But what really made it hard for me to ignore was the timing. You see, three years ago tomorrow I was getting on a plane to go and spend my last ever week with Granny. And all of a sudden all of it came flooding back. I’ve spent the evening reliving that final goodbye, and trying to distract myself so I stop reliving it. This time of year isn’t easy for me at the best of times. Tonight was definitely not the best of times.

I’m sure the email writer meant well, but part of me wishes they’d just left it alone.

Once upon a time, this sort of thing would cause me to close myself off even more. But I’m trying not to live that way anymore, so instead I’m sharing it here.

6 Responses

  1. Sorry to hear you are reliving such a horrible time in your life. The person that sent you the e-mail obviously has a guilty conscience and appears to just want to hurt you instead of mending fences. I received a letter like that about 16 years ago. Our friendship ended badly in grade 12 and she felt the need to send me a letter a couple years later telling me how awful of a person I was, yet she had found it in her heart to forgive me. I tore it up and never thought about it again till Still not one regret about ending that
    Sending you snowy hugs (calling for 15cm of the white stuff over night)

  2. Charlotte

    I’m so sorry this happened, especially now. It’s so easy to be knocked out of equilibrium when things are wobbly in the first place. Hugs xx

  3. I’m so sorry that this has happened but I think it seems that your life is better without this ‘friend’ being in it. The email says more about the person who sent it than it does about you. If they were so concerned about how you knew certain bits of information then they should have asked you. Or not asked you and left well alone, not send what sounds like an accusing email dressed up as an apology. It would be upsetting at any time of the year but particularly at the moment. Take care and well done for sharing this rather than making it you shut yourself off – that’s not an easy thing to do xx

  4. Ugh, why do people do this?! I’ve cut you off, stop popping up at inappropriate times! I had a guy that used me for years for his own end that I ended up sending a long explanatory e-mail to about how I wasn’t enabling him any more and he’d frankly wrecked my prospective love life for years with his games, and he still had the gall to whine and moan then, and finally 6 months later when I thought I was past it, he e-mailed me again with another whiny e-mail about how he missed me (I was basically his go to person for entertainment if no-one else was available). He chose to do this just at the time, for a month, that I was travelling through to work very near where he lived, so I spent the best part of a month driving past his junction having arguments with him in my head. I didn’t e-mail back… I would suggest you don’t either, good grief, we don’t need toxic people in our lives!

  5. Oh, I’m so sorry this happened. There is really no good reason for someone to write an apology that is just wrapping paper for reopening wounds. You’re right – the easiest thing to do at the time would have been to ask how you knew the things you did rather than jumping to a hasty and erroneous assumption.